So I'll just share a few things I learned from the experience. Farewell, Peakedtowns!
1. If fifty people volunteer to come live at your fortress for the purpose of "eradicating monsters," don't expect them to actually be of much help. Also, hide the drinks.
2. When dwarves say "deep metals," they mean "DEEP metals." Deep enough I never actually found any.
3. A local elvish retreat might seem a good place to send a raiding party, but only if you don't mind filling your pastures with cougars, foxes, and the occasional grizzly bear.
4. Speaking of pastures, don't try to put caged goblins out to pasture. It doesn't work.
5. I also learned what veteran players mean when they say "tantrum spiral." It's not pretty.
6. When your broker ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. As I watched him punching a cow out of sheer frustration, I realized: this is a broken dwarf. A broken broker, if you will.
7. Sending all your military out of town right before a tantrum spiral and an accidental "pasturing" of four goblins is just bad timing. And again, those volunteer Monster Slayers you permitted to move in? They're still useless.
8. You might think you're safe because the last invading goblin fell into the river and is currently in the middle of an underwater battle with an echidna. But you're not.
9. Insanity, possession, depression, and hauntings do NOT mix well.
10. If you tell a hundred dwarves to crowd into a small meeting room underground during an invasion, they will listen. They will complain so much the game starts to lag, but they will listen.
Wish me better luck next time! :-)